Key Words
active listening
being attentive and completely engaged while another person is talking to you, observing their non-verbal signals, and not interrupting; this empathetic form of listening is done with the intent to understand the other person fully instead of simply hearing their words and responding; it leaves both or all people feeling connected
acute trauma
trauma following a single event (e.g., a car accident, a natural disaster, etc.)
adaptive coping strategies
a coping strategy is a way of dealing with a stressful situation or major life change; adaptive coping refers to strategies or behaviors that are safe, healthy, and effective for dealing with stress, adversity, or difficult situations (e.g.,meditation, journaling, exercising, seeking help from supportive people, etc.)
adverse childhood experiences
abbreviated "ACEs"; potentially traumatic events that occur in childhood that can include violence, abuse, neglect, household dysfunction, growing up in a family with mental health or substance use problems; toxic stress from ACEs can change brain development and affect how the body responds to stress; ACEs are related to larger environmental factors, such as inequitable access to educational opportunities, housing, employment, and health services
at-leasting
an ineffective response to someone’s pain that involves to minimizing their emotional experience via a relative comparison (e.g., “at least they had a good life”)
bereavement
the experience of loss by death
boundaries
an inner knowing of the limits, needs, and values that keep you safe and comfortable in your relationships
bright-siding
an ineffective response to someone’s pain that involves to minimizing their emotional experience via a a falsely positive spin (for examples, see “at-leasting” and “silver-lining”)
chronic trauma
trauma that occurs after a series of repeated events over time (e.g., domestic violence, poverty, etc.)
compassion
concern for the feelings and experiences of others
complex trauma
refers to exposure to multiple traumatic events (e.g., childhood abuse, neglect or abandonment) and the wide-ranging, long-term effects of this exposure
egocentric
thinking only of oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others (self-centered); young children are naturally egocentric and cannot see a situation from another's point of view; they assume that everyone experiences and perceives the world the same way they do
empathy
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another
family
family typically refers to a group of people related by blood, marriage, or adoption, who often live together and share emotional bonds, responsibilities, and support for each other; however, the concept of family can extend beyond biological connections to include chosen or intentional relationships based on love, care, and mutual support.
grief
a natural, healthy response to loss or change
loss
no longer having someone, something, or a change in access to someone or something
maladaptive coping strategies
a coping strategy is a way of dealing with a stressful situation or major life change; maladaptive coping refers to strategies or behaviors that are ineffective, harmful, or counterproductive in dealing with stress, adversity, or difficult situations (e.g., avoiding emotions, aggression, bullying, risk-taking behavior, substance abuse, etc.)
mindfulness
the learnable skill of being intensely aware of what you're sensing and feeling in the moment, without interpretation or judgment
minimizing
downplaying someone’s experience and/or emotions (e.g., "it’s just a goldfish, you can always get another one")
modeling
learning by imitating the behavior of someone else
othering
behaving in a way that makes someone feel different, separate, or disconnected from people; contributes to social isolation
passive listening
listening to hear without being fully present; it's often experienced as hollow and leaves both or all people feeling disconnected
pity
feeling sorry for the misfortune of others
platitude
a cliché shared with someone in an effort to provide comfort that often misses the mark (e.g., "everything happens for a reason," "they're in a better place," etc.)
positive childhood experiences
abbreviated as "PCEs," positive childhood experiences promote safe, stable, and nurturing relationships and environments; these experiences can participating in community and family traditions, involvement in school and extracurricular activities, feeling a sense of belonging in school, feeling as though you can share your feelings with family members or trusted adults, and feeling safe in your home and neighborhood
post-traumatic stress
the psychological/behavioral reactions that can arise in response to trauma; PTSD stands for "post-traumatic stress disorder," a clinical diagnosis
reaction
your immediate and instinctive emotional response to a situation
repair
to re-establish connection in a relationship through healthy communication
response
a thoughtful, deliberate way you choose to reply to a situation
rupture
break in the connection between two people
secondary losses
losses that follow an initial event (e.g., a death); these can be things like the loss of financial stability, identity, community, hopes and dreams, among other things; “secondary” means that these losses come as a result of the death, not that they are any less impactful or less difficult
self-awareness
conscious knowledge of your own thoughts, feelings, values, beliefs, and actions
self-care
the practice of tending to yourself by engaging in behaviors to nurture your mental, emotional, and physical health and well-being
self-compassion
the practice of turning compassion, kindness, and understanding inward, especially when we fail, make mistakes, or feel inadequate
shaming
expressing judgment, whether intentionally or unintentionally, about someone’s response to a loss or challenge
silver-lininging
an ineffective response to someone’s pain that involves to minimizing their emotional experience by using a falsely positive spin, a.k.a., a "silver lining," (e.g., “look how much you’ve grown from this experience!”)
social isolation
the lack of relationships with others and little to no social support or contact
suffocated grief
a term identified by Dr. Tashel Bordere to describe when normal grief reactions (particularly those of black youth and youth with marginalized identities) are punished
support
often quieter and/or more subtle than help; a way of being present with someone as they navigate a loss or challenge
trauma
the real or perceived threat to life or bodily integrity of you or a loved one that can cause an overwhelming sense of terror, horror, helplessness, and/or fear
traumatic stress reaction
the varied ways in which your mind and body respond to a traumatic event; a “normal” reaction to an abnormal event
trusted adult
an individual who is relied upon and considered dependable by a child or teen
valididate
assure someone that their emotions are allowed and are okay
your person
a way to refer to someone who was lost through death, incarceration, deployment, etc. that acknowledges they were part of the child or teen's life but doesn't make assumptions about their relationships the way a term like "loved one" does