Little girl petting dog

Empathy

Skill-building

Empathy is the ability to sense someone else’s emotions and imagine what they might be thinking and/or feeling in a particular situation. These feelings of understanding give us direction for how best to respond and offer support. You can empathize with someone even if you haven’t experienced something similar to what they’re going through.

Empathy or Sympathy?

Empathy can sometimes be confused with sympathy, but they are not the same. Most of us can tell when someone is showing us sympathy, which is closely aligned with pity, and most of us don’t like it. Sympathy can leave someone feeling “less-than.” It’s normal to feel sad when something bad happens; however, sharing that sadness in the form of sympathy or pity to the affected person probably won’t make them feel better. Instead, focus on showing empathy—sensitivity to and compassion for the emotional experiences of other people. Moving from pity to empathy can be thought of as moving from “I feel sorry for you” to “I feel for you.“

“Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection.”

Brené Brown, Ph.D., Researcher, Speaker, and Author

Chloe's Story

In this TEDxKISJeju talk, teen Chloe Park discusses the difference between empathy and sympathy. Park has had to navigate "normal" teenage struggles while also helping her family care for a younger brother with Fragile X Syndrome. Throughout her life, people have continually expressed sympathy for these circumstances, which she has found unnecessary and unhelpful.

Empathy in Practice

The difference between empathy and sympathy can be nuanced. Here are some examples to help you recognize the difference:

Empathy

“I feel for you.”

Sympathy

“I'm sorry for you.”

Empathy

“I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I know it's hard.”

Sympathy

“I can't even imagine what you're going through.”

Empathy

“I see you and appreciate your situation.”

Sympathy

“How do you manage?”

Sharing What You Know

You can help nurture a young person's ability to empathize by prompting them to consider another person's experience. You might ask something like, "What do you think they were feeling when the coach criticized them in front of the rest of the team?" The examples you draw upon don't even have to be from real-life situations. You could reference a storyline in a book or movie and ask your kid or teen questions about what they think a character might be experiencing. Remind them that they can empathize with someone even if they haven’t experienced something similar to what they’re going through.